never expected to experience too much depression in my life, talking these past few weeks, which yeah i admit it really made me weak each time i remember how long it is since the day i last saw peachy, the weeks full of regrets, its so depressing, so tiresome, i dont feel like doing anything, keep fooling myself that im ok, dont know what to do, circling around the house, no one to tell me that someday it will be ok even if its not.

i never feel this way before, and yes my eyes felt like rain that day, i miss peachy, its been a year, i remember everything that day, and it made me feel this way, the very first time a girl made me feel so vulnerable and so sad, even some friends came by to cheer me up, still it isn’t enough, ‘coz as i they go i still feel the same, but i really appreciate their efforts, its just that… i dont know.

well i guess im doing fine these days, putting my self back together again, but still missing her, the only piece that i dont have to be complete, i have to move on, but it doesn’t mean im giving up on her, she seems so impossible which interest me a lot, making me feel like loving her more and more each day, even though “the damage is done”

well this is it 1 year anniversary i am not excited about, (laughs)

i used to sing Rick Segreto’s song dont know what to do, since last year but i think i’ll change it to this song by The Jets its called make it real cant find any video on youtube but wish you like the song as much as it hurts me i mean love it. enjoy!

MAKE IT REAL
The Jets

Tonight it’s been a year
we met each other here
Here I am all alone
as thoughts of you go on

Hear me cryin’ out to you
you said, “Never, never would I leave”
Here’s a tear from me to you
and maybe it will make you hear me

CHORUS:

I loved you
You didn’t feel the same
Though we’re apart
You’re in my heart
Give me one more chance to
Make it real

In a dream you are here
You smile and hold me near
And in my heart I’ll pretend
that you are here again

Hear me cryin’ out to you
You said, “Never, never would I leave”
Here’s a tear from me to you
and maybe it will make you hear me

Chorus

Give me one more chance to
Make it real

2009 has come this Christmas eve and New Years eve is the same as always no communication from Peachy, and i was hoping to see her at our Christmas party or anytime this yuletide season but as i said……… its the same as always.

The last time i saw her is at meyn’s birthday party last Jan 13 2008, which is obviously not more than 2 weeks from now, and uhm if my calculation is right it would mean last year, (just kidding) so i guess (but i hope it wont come true) if shes too busy as always i wont see her this time at meyn’s birthday party.

Is true love really sucks? well all this waiting i somehow get used to it, and loving it the more i love her each day, patience, perseverance and endurance, hmmm God is really putting me up for the test or is it just her?

Seems like you cant really put away a love that is  so strong and true in an instant, or is it me who never knew how to give up and never tried to put it away.

I don’t know maybe i always put things into a positive way, like if she’s that too busy and she doesn’t seem to like or love other person (not saying that she like me or love me too…….can’t tell.) well i hope (cross fingers) that one day she sees me as the only one left thats been waiting and loving her all this time, maybe just maybe well be together forever. (rick astley?, just kidding)

i kinda like the feeling of pain, uhm emotional pain that is….(bitter?) i always want to hear 80’s songs or old songs that says or expresses things like i miss you, or don’t you break my heart slow, i dont wanna wait, what do we mean to each other (choke)  etc.

when i listen to those songs i feel pain at the same time i’m having the feeling that i wanna love her more and wait for a couple of decades (’coz thats the only time i think that i have in my lifetime) to pursue and embrace this love i have for her.

hmm i wont make it any longer ‘coz i think your bored reading my craft or should i say crap whatever you want to call it, its always about her…..its always been her…………. same as always.

woah! i never thought i would see this show again, this one is my favorite episode, well i hope you got the chance to watch this on T.V. this is so cool.

i always imagine how lucky these kids are ‘coz they got to see Jesus with the help of the professors flying house.

Enjoy!

watch the other episodes on youtube, its fun!

’twas 2:30 AM still i haven’t got enough sleep, nothing or no one can ever stop me from visiting my childhood friend, not even the pouring  rain, i’ll just say my faith in Him is stronger than this, and guess what as soon as i step forward from our shelter the rain stopped.

i don’t see anyone around and my footprints echoes through the street, ‘coz even the street dogs are asleep in this cold cold night.

i realized that its been a long time since i’ve done something for Him like this, and it feels great. rather than going out drinking or playing some computer up until morning, and then on the way home i will pass by these Iglesia ni Cristo followers seeing me drunk almost wasted with no money left.

i devoted myself in attending the preparation of his arrival, the mass starts at 4:00 AM but the Church will be full by 3:00 AM seems like everyone’s excited in the Cathedral while 50% of the population outside were just talking, texting, dating, etc etc,. ‘coz i don’t care about their agenda, I’m just here inside beside the choir to sing for Him and listen to the Holy Gospel.

I told myself that i can sing for a band and why not for Him, so i sing songs of praise whole heartedly, i remember when i was a child i always talk to Him and ask Him many things and He never fails to have an answer that i can’t easily understand.

As the mass goes on i ask myself on how it feels like to be on the other side, meaning if i am the Priest or the Rev. or something like them, i just smile and said i can always serve the Lord even if i’m not one of them, ‘coz i know my family needs me too and i wanted to have a family of my own too someday, well if my wife is none other than Peachy, if she doesn’t feel the same well  i guess i’m stupid.

i always ask myself what if i will be right next to Rev. Hernandez (forgot the name) ‘coz hes about my age (i think) and be compared, i think the first impression that people might think is that i am a bad person right next to a good man.  believe it or not i do think about it as the mass goes on.

some say if a person wants to complete 9 mornings or misa de gallo they wanted their wish to come true, but i just wanted to attend, and participate in the mass so i don’t have any wish in mind, thats why i thought that its better if i just give the my wish to Peachy since shes always busy at her call center work thinking that she cant go to the mass because of it.

tell you what it really feels great to complete 9 mornings, call me dumbass but yeah its my first time, and im proud of it.  to my friend happy birthday i know your always there for me, without you there wont be Christmas, sharing, peace, love, hope and the passion that leads me back to you.

so i guess i’ll be seeing you around then just like the old days huh, you made me feel great by giving me the will to see you and have this very good purpose to go out, as i said not just because of being with friends to have something to drink or to play computer, ‘coz this time is your time Jesus.

Merry Christmas! and as for the Iglesia ni Cristo followers that i always pass by everytime i go out with my friends, well I am a Roman Catholic the reason why i’m coming home 6:00 in the morning, this time is because i have gone to see and reunite with a very good friend of mine, and guess what we didn’t play games or drink we just get to know each other better.